Double Kitten All The Way

So, I've recently been obssessed with a handful of kitten videos. That's right... kittens. I'm about to throw a bunch of kittens at you. Deal with it, and then duck before catching a kitty in the eye.

NOTE: I don't like clogging my blog (that was fun to say) with videos, but I must for these damned cats.

*picks up the first kitten, winds up, and.... chucks it at you*

So, this isn't particularly a kitten, but this video started the sharing of cat videos amongst my brother and I. I showed him this video, we both had a tremendous laugh, wiped the tears, and then he rebuttled with a couple more. The follow-up slow-mo on this video slays me every time.

"Cat Hiccups and Farts at the Same Time"

*reaches into the pile, and grabs the next kitten, and with a mighty heave sends it flying at your face*

This video has been around for awhile, and apparently is a bigger meme than I thought. There are a lot of parody videos of this on the youtubes. However, this is the original. I hope you can stand it. For added fun imagine that the kitten is making the squeaking sound.

"Surprised Kitty"

*bends over and picks up another hefty kitten for the launching, crouches for additional oompf, and then sending it sailing through the sky right at your eye*

This last video is by far my favorite. The comedic timing is fantastic. There is so much build up for the most amazing ending. Watch how effective this technique is for breaking up a cat fight.

"How to Break Up a Cat Fight"

I hope you made it through these videos without any scratches.

Punch Me Panda

You woke up late. Your toast was burnt. You couldn't find a matching sock. You missed the train. The coffee burns your tongue. Your TPS reports aren't finished. Your bossed requests you to work over the weekend when you had big plans with your girl. Lunch is soggy and a disappointment. You can feel the stress tingling up over your head. You know you're about to lose it as you walk back to your job from lunch.

Then you come across.... him.... or it... and for whatever reason he stands there with his arms wide open willing to take in all your aggression, all your rage, all your hate. His cute adorable face smiles as he hands you a candy red punching glove. You set down your briefcase, slip it on, and lace it up. You look one last time into his forgiving eyes, and then you send your fist right into his smug gut. A forceful strike. You feel powerful.
Another punch... for your boss.
Another punch... for your TPS reports.
Another punch... for the coffee that burnt your tongue.
Another punch... for the train,
punch... sock,
punch... toast,
punch... alarm clock,
punch... the kids that teased you in high school,
punch... the girls that broke your heart,
punch... the life that isn't worth this aggression.



You fall to your knees sobbing. The stress is gone, but the tingle remains. How could you have let yourself get so wrapped up in yourself? You look up, and the Panda reaches a hand down, and helps you back onto your feet. You unlace the glove, and hand it back to him. You wipe your eyes clean, pick up your briefcase, and calmly walk away. As you glance back to see your savior, the Panda has turned and walks away, holding his gut. You swallow hard and choke down that lump in your throat as you fade back into the gilded world.

Punch Me Panda waits for you in Union Square station

---
From: http://natehillisnuts.com/home/punch-me-panda/
*Punch Me Panda

Do you ever get so mad that you want to punch something? I'm here for you. My name is Punch Me Panda. Kidnapped from my family in China, I got mailed to the Bronx Zoo. Luckily, my crate got lost in the mail, and I ended up here in Brooklyn. I wandered around the city awhile and ended up living on the street. I noticed that New York City, though wonderful, can sometimes get people down. Things happen here, and they're not always good.

I got an idea. I need to make some money to eat, and New Yorkers could use some help. So, if you're frustrated, angry, or just had a bad day, I will come to your house, and you can punch me. I wear a chest protector, and you wear boxing gloves, so no one gets hurt. It costs one cent per punch. With these pennies, I can get on my feet, and you can get out that aggression. Together, we can make our lives better.

Serving individuals and couples, one-time basis or continuous.
Serving all Brooklyn only.

When:
Wednesday, November 17th to Saturday, November 20th. I'm sleeping in my shipping crate in a compassionate office space in Bushwick to stay cozy.

Where:
Your home or the Outpost office at:
1665 Norman Street in Brooklyn

How:
For an appointment: Text 347-742-2293 or tweet @natexhill

Ups & Downs

Things that made life worth living today...

• Early morning conversations with good friends
• Liberation from Zee Barrel
• Outtakes (continued below)
  
• Mexican con Madre, and accidentally shooting cerveza all over her. Why can't I ever remember that pushing a lime into a cerveza and covering it with my thumb only creates carbonation?
• Iced Americano with raw sugar
• Taking naps in the car
• Running in the park
• Ordering secret gifts for awesome friends
• The hardy hibiscuses that are growing outside my window
  
  
  

Things I could have done without...

• Realizing, much like Dave did, that I drink too much, smoke too much, eat too much... too much. *takes a bow* Running to the near point of exhaustion was an excellent punctuation to this statement.
• Once again finding that some animal, and I'm not pointing any fingers here, but part of me thinks it was black... (oh that sounded racist. Allow me to explain. I live in a house with 6 black cats, 1 orange cat, 2 white cats, a ferret, and a little adorable dog. So, chances are good that the animal that did this was black.) ...peed all over my book bag. That is the second book bag of mine to be micturated upon by an animal. Don't even get me started on the pillows that have been ruined.
  

Outtakes (continued from above)

Today I came across outtakes from one of my favorite television shows of all time, Life On Mars. I'm talking about the original BBC version, not that piece of shite American bull. After seeing this it made me think of my favorite actors of all time. So, I'm gonna list them off for you. Now, these are all I can think of right now, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple. What I'd like you, the reader, to do is why you are reading down my list, which is in no particular order, I want you to try and think about who I am, and then maybe you'll see where I get it. If you don't know me, then think about these actors and then try and compose an amalgamation of them. You may very well have a pretty good basis of who I am then.

John Simm
Bruce Campbell
David Tennant
Jeffrey Donovan
Charlie Sheen
Emilio Estevez
Groucho Marx
Bill Murray
Cary Elwes

And now for your viewing pleasure here are the outtakes from Life On Mars. Bon Appetit!